In today’s Mutual Funds section of the New York Times, a reporter notes the failure of usual economic oracles (e.g. Alan Greenspan), and decides to turn to other forms kinds of oracles. The Magic 8 Ball didn’t work out, and the writer could not locate Hebrew oracles described in the Old Testament. And so the writer turned to goat entrails:
This oracle business is tougher than it looks.
I DECIDED to take one more crack at this: divining the future by means of the old entrails-of-a-goat routine.
Now, goat guts aren’t part of my usual shopping run, but a food writer I know, Robb Walsh, noted on his Facebook page that he had recently bought a whole baby goat to grill up. I sent Robb a note asking if he had gutted the goat himself and, if so, whether he had happened to see the economy’s future in the aforementioned guts.
Robb said the goat came pre-gutted but that the kidneys were still attached. While it cooked, he said, the fat around the kidneys melted and dripped, “which caused my mesquite fire to flare up and scorch the loin a little.”
“So if I had to extrapolate stock market advice from the little bit of goat entrails I had to work with,” he wrote, “I’d say when things get cooking and the fat hits the fire, you better move fast or your loin is going to get burnt.”
I might not make the grade as an oracle, but Robb shows real promise. If Ben Bernanke doesn’t work out as Fed chairman, Robb’s got my vote.
There’s a book out claiming that we owe our brainy humanity to the first grill masters. Maybe Bernanke needs to eat more barbecue.
Yawl better put that jug back in the pantry. Get out of the heat and start eating some summer squash, green beans with a few fried green tomatoes.